Hold up, A woman should apologize for being cheated on?

So I was just scrolling around and this caught my eyes, so I thought I'd bring it here to. A write up in Vanguard Newspaper is of the opinion that when a man cheats, the woman is at fault and should apologize for being cheated on. The woman is not supposed to ban him from seeing the other woman, she is not supposed to complain even if he moves in with his new lover, she is just meant to keep cool and keep apologizing. See write up below

Ultimately, Andrew Marshal, author of: My Husband Doesn’t Love Me … And He’s Texting Someone Else’, and a respected marital counsellor believes the only person we can change is ourselves and that should be the firs step in rescuing any marriage in crisis. Here, he shows how, with a bit of honesty and several helpings of humble pie, women can begin the process of reviving the most unsalvageable marriage and win back the love of a cheating man.

He’s cheating, but you must apologise: The first step towards recovery need you to commit to change. And while you’ve probably said you are sorry a million times before to keep the peace, have you made a full apology? This is one that acknowledges your unhelpful behaviour (e.g. taking him for granted), express sorrow and a determination to change, as is sincere. In particular, do you need to apologise for nagging, a habit that could be destroying your relationship?

Acknowledge that it must make him feel constantly criticized. Promise not to nag again and that he should say something if he catches you doing it. Though it is tempting to add an explanation for your nagging. It can sound as if you’re excusing yourself and therefore lessens the power of your apology. Ultimately, if your husband thinks you spend the majority of your time complaining, nagging or getting angry, he will feel that all the joy has been sucked out of your relationship.

 

What you should do next: Don’t ban contact with the other woman. If your husband is still in touch with another woman, it’s tempting to lay down the law and say ‘no contact’. Understandably, you want her out of your life, but over and over again, I’ve seen this back fire. First, he’s been self-medicating his own unhappiness with attention from another woman, so, if you cut off his ‘supply’, of course he’ll crave another hit. Worse still, it’ll mean you start checking on his actions so he feels distrusted – not a good environment for working on your relationship. Plus, it’s controlling behaviour, and who wants to be with a controlling partner?

 

Don’t complain if he moves in with her: While I’m not a fan of temporary separations – it makes it harder for you to communicate and there are fewer opportunities to work on your relationship – there’s an upside to him moving in with the other woman. His ‘true love’ will be tested for the first time. Slowly, real life and day-to-day domesticity will intrude into their fantasy. He will have to deal with her surly teenage son. She will discover all his nasty habits. It is not exactly Romeo and Juliet. As long as you don’t drive them together – by abusive phone calls, being unreasonable about access to the children and so on = it is highly likely that their relationship will implode.

 

Meet her yourself: A very personal decision that could make the situation worse, but can also leave you with a better sense of proportion about their relationship and provide her with a more balanced picture of yours. So she might find out, for example, you’re still having sex or have been reading her texts to your husband. As one client told me after she confronted the female colleague her husband had been having an affair with: ‘This woman was a demon-like figure in my mind, making me question why I wasn’t good enough any more for my husband. But she wasn’t any more attractive than me, and frankly seemed very insecure and self-orientated. I was reassured she had no deep feelings for my husband. The demons were exorcised the day I met her. I left feeling in control and relieved there was one less obstacle to rebuilding our marriage”.

 

A few words of warning: If you know where she lives, don’t go to her home on the spur of the moment – you will most likely be angry or frightened and this will not promise clear thinking. Also, if you arrange a meeting by text, remember you’re not two friends getting together for a chat, so put a time limit on it. Remember that everything you say and do will most likely be relayed back to your husband, and don’t do anything – such as becoming aggressive – that could invite retaliation.